Life is all about change. Sometimes it’s the good kind, like a new baby or a dream job offer. And sometimes, it’s the “why did this happen to us?” kind, like having to move across the country in the middle of a pandemic (yeah, we did that). But whether the change is big or small, stressful or exciting, one thing’s for sure—your marriage is going to feel it.
When we moved to Orlando, I wasn’t prepared for the emotional rollercoaster of trying to adjust to a new place, a new routine, and the fact that Ginny and Adam suddenly had an endless supply of mosquito bites to add to their list of “Florida Firsts.” Nathaniel and I were trying to keep our heads above water, juggling new jobs, new schools, and the whirlwind of packing, unpacking, and trying to find the best pizza place in town (priorities, people). But somehow, we needed to stay connected, even when the chaos was spinning at 100 miles an hour.
So here are some of the ways we managed to stay close through all the life changes (and how you can too). Spoiler alert: It involves more than just “talking it out”—though that’s a big part of it!
1. Prioritize Each Other—Even When You’re Busy
When everything changes, it’s easy to let your relationship slip to the back burner. Between work, school drop-offs, and endless to-do lists, the last thing on your mind might be your partner. I get it. But trust me, when things feel chaotic, making time for each other is the lifeline. Nathaniel and I try to schedule at least some one-on-one time each week, even if it’s just a walk around the block after the kids are in bed. It’s so easy to just crash on the couch, but even five minutes of uninterrupted conversation about something other than the kids can make a huge difference.
We don’t always get it right, but we’ve learned that sometimes it’s the little things—holding hands while waiting in line at the grocery store or sneaking a quick kiss between Zoom calls—that keep us grounded when everything else is swirling around us.
2. Embrace Change Together (Even If You Hate It)
Moving to Orlando was a huge deal for us. Sure, we got to explore new parks and attractions (Peppa Pig World, anyone?), but it also meant new challenges. We both had to adjust to new jobs, new routines, and even figuring out where to buy our favorite snacks. There were moments when I was like, “Ugh, what did we do?” But you know what helped? Embracing the change as a team.
When Nathaniel got a new job, I knew it was a big shift, but instead of letting it create tension, I tried to see it as his opportunity to grow, and that we were growing together. Change doesn’t always have to feel isolating—sometimes, it’s just about leaning on each other and getting through it together. This can be especially true when adjusting to new babies or big career changes. Yes, there will be growing pains, but leaning in and supporting each other makes it all the more manageable.
3. Communicate Like You’re Still Dating
In the middle of all these life changes, communication can get tricky. I know I’ve been guilty of expecting Nathaniel to read my mind (spoiler alert: he’s not a mind reader). It’s easy to slip into bad habits and stop communicating as clearly as you used to—especially when your focus is split between a million other things. So Nathaniel and I decided to go back to basics—we talk. Like, really talk.
We don’t just discuss bills and family schedules. We share our thoughts, vent about work, and still talk about the things that matter to us individually. Sometimes that means I’m venting about how Ginny lost her third pair of sunglasses this week, or he’s talking about the latest sports drama that I have zero interest in. But we make it a point to listen. It’s not always easy, and sometimes there’s a lot of eye-rolling (I’ll admit it, I do that), but the key is that we’re listening to each other, not just talking at each other.
4. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
Let’s be real: major life changes can feel overwhelming. Between moving, adjusting to a new job, or handling the needs of a newborn, you can end up feeling stretched thin. Nathaniel and I learned early on that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of strength. Whether it’s asking a friend to come over and help us unpack or getting a sitter for a few hours so we can have a real date night, we learned to rely on our support system.
And hey, sometimes help comes from the most unexpected places. We’ve had a few moments where one of the kids stepped in to help, like when Ginny handed Nathaniel the remote for a quick TV break while I made dinner (how sweet, right?). We try to keep things lighthearted—there’s no shame in asking for a little extra help from your community, whether it’s family or friends.
5. Celebrate the Wins, Big and Small
Life is tough. That’s not a secret. But even in the most hectic of times, it’s so important to celebrate the wins. It doesn’t have to be anything big or fancy. Maybe it’s making it through a tough week without having a full-blown meltdown or finally finding your favorite pizza spot in Orlando. Whatever it is, take a moment to recognize the wins, no matter how small they might seem.
Nathaniel and I have started celebrating our little victories. We’ll high-five after successfully getting both kids to bed early for once, or even just laugh over something silly that happened that day. It’s those little moments of joy that remind us why we’re in this thing together.
6. Keep the Spark Alive (Yes, Even in the Chaos)
Let’s talk about the spark. It’s easy to let the romance slip away when you’re knee-deep in life changes. New jobs, new routines, new everything can make intimacy seem like an afterthought. But here’s the thing—keeping the spark alive doesn’t have to mean grand gestures. It’s the little things: a compliment when you least expect it, an impromptu dance in the kitchen, or even just a sweet text when your partner’s having a rough day.
For Nathaniel and me, it’s those moments of togetherness that really keep the spark going. Even when we’re tired and cranky (which, let’s be honest, is often), taking a few minutes to reconnect makes all the difference.
Life changes are hard, but they don’t have to tear you apart. If anything, they can help bring you closer together. You just need to put in the effort to show up for each other. Sure, things won’t always go according to plan, but at least you’ll have your partner by your side, helping you roll with the punches. So, the next time life throws a curveball, take a deep breath, hold hands, and remind each other that you’re in this together. And maybe, just maybe, share a pizza while you’re at it.