So, let’s be real for a minute. You know how before kids, your marriage was all romantic dinners, spontaneous trips, and lots of “just because” moments? Then, boom—babies happen. And suddenly, your relationship feels more like a tag-team effort than the passion-filled romance it once was. No judgment here—I’m definitely guilty of getting stuck in the “roommate” routine with Nathaniel. Between the never-ending laundry pile, school pick-ups, and Ginny and Adam’s daily chaos, it’s easy to forget what it feels like to look at each other and think, “Wow, you’re still the love of my life.”
But here’s the thing: Marriage can stay exciting after kids. It doesn’t have to be all about spreadsheets, bedtimes, and grocery lists (though those things are important). You just have to put in a little effort to remind each other that you’re still you—the couple who fell in love in the first place. So, let’s talk about how to go from roommates back to lovers. Here are some practical and fun tips I’ve picked up along the way (with a sprinkle of personal experience, of course).
1. Date Nights—But Not Just Dinner & a Movie
Remember when “date night” was a big deal? You’d put on a cute outfit (you know, not your comfy sweats or your “I’m exhausted, I don’t care” mom jeans), maybe even get dressed up, and actually go out? Well, it’s still possible, mama! I know it’s a stretch between the kids’ soccer practice and your husband’s work schedule, but get creative with your date nights. Nathaniel and I started having “in-house” date nights. The kids go to bed, we order dinner in, and boom—it’s a date night. We play games, watch a favorite show, or even have a mini dance party in the living room. Sure, the “romantic ambiance” might involve some Legos scattered on the floor, but it still works. You have to make time for each other, even if it’s just 30 minutes. Trust me, a little effort goes a long way.
2. Physical Touch Beyond the Kid Chaos
When you’re constantly surrounded by tiny humans needing you for everything, it can be hard to find moments of physical connection with your spouse. But physical touch is so important for keeping that connection alive. I’m not talking about marathon cuddle sessions (though, hey, that’s awesome when you can swing it). I mean the small, subtle touches—holding hands while you’re making dinner, quick pecks on the cheek, or a random hug while you’re both doing the dishes. Nathaniel and I had to make an effort to stay physically connected. It can be as simple as snuggling on the couch for a few minutes before bed or sneaking in a kiss in the kitchen when the kids are distracted. These little moments remind you that you’re not just roommates—you’re partners, lovers, and friends.
3. Plan Your Sex Life (Yes, I Said It)
Listen, I get it. Between the 3 a.m. wake-ups, the endless feedings, the tantrums, and everything else, the last thing on your mind at the end of the day is probably a quick romp in the sheets. But here’s the thing: If you don’t plan it, it often doesn’t happen. Nathaniel and I had to have a real conversation about this (no shame, right?). When life gets busy, scheduling a “me time” is key—even if it’s just a quick moment to reconnect. Once a week, we’ll put the kids to bed, and we’re like, “Okay, this is our time.” Whether it’s 20 minutes or longer (ahem), just making sure we have intentional time together helps us reconnect.
4. Don’t Lose Your Individuality
I know this one is tricky. After becoming parents, it’s easy to lose sight of who you were before you were mom and dad. Suddenly, you’re juggling your kids’ schedules, work, and everything else—and the person you were before kids gets buried under a pile of diapers, soccer cleats, and school fundraisers. But here’s the thing: Don’t forget to date yourself. I started taking a little time for myself—whether it’s reading a book, catching up with friends, or having a coffee break alone. When you nurture your own identity and personal happiness, you’ll be in a better place to be the partner you want to be. Nathaniel does the same. He’ll take a couple of hours on the weekend to do his own thing. It’s so refreshing for both of us.
5. Communicate—Like, Really Communicate
Parenting is hard. But marriage can be even harder when you’re not on the same page. Having open, honest conversations with your spouse about how you’re feeling is crucial. Whether it’s about your exhaustion level, the lack of intimacy, or just needing a break—talk about it. I’ll admit, Nathaniel and I have had some real heart-to-hearts about how things have been feeling a bit… stale. We work through it together. And sometimes, just saying, “I miss you” can make a huge difference.
6. Laugh Together
Honestly, if you can’t laugh together, then what’s the point? Life with kids can be a hot mess—especially in Orlando with the theme park madness and trying to manage their endless energy. But Nathaniel and I have made it a point to laugh together, even if it’s just over how ridiculous the kids are being or the ridiculous things we say in the middle of chaos. Sometimes, a good belly laugh is just what the doctor ordered.
7. Reconnect With the Basics
Lastly, don’t forget to remind each other how much you care. It’s easy to forget to say “I love you” in the middle of the daily grind. But I try to make sure that Nathaniel knows I’m still in this thing with him—not just as co-parents but as partners. A quick “You’re amazing” or “I’m grateful for you” can go a long way. It’s the little things that build that connection back up.
We’re not perfect, far from it, but we’ve made it a priority to keep the flame alive. The truth is, your marriage can survive the wild ride of parenthood. It just takes a little extra love, effort, and creativity. So grab your spouse, hold their hand, and remind them why you fell in love in the first place. Whether it’s a full-blown date night or just a quick kiss, every little bit counts.
And if nothing else, you’ve got this! One day at a time, one kiss at a time, one laugh at a time.